Cutting Cords
On the cusp of my forties, I drove to a small retreat center in Virginia for a cord cutting. This trip into the woo-woo gave me more than I had hoped for. It may be time for a redo.
Like many others, I have been taking a break from the news lately. I feel a profound need to dial back my view finder from hyper-focusing on the shitshow of the US. I’ve been thinking about how the universe is working. I’ve been pondering chaos theory. I’ve picked up my celebrity gossip news and started a fantasy novel. I check the political news occasionally and instantly regret it. I even had to turn off This American Life because it was too much.
When I was 39 I was in a very intense on and off relationship. It was the worst and the best. It was one of those relationships that is so hot and fun when you’re in it. The kind that always leaves you wanting more, even though you know more would never work because you could never get along for more than 48 hours. The back and forth pummeled my heart with glass shard fists for almost a year. I tried everything to let the relationship go, to let the man go. I’d change his name in my phone to DO NOT ANSWER. We worked together, so I’d try to stay out of the office as much as possible. Sooooo many errands got done for my boss. I’d walk by the river picking up rocks and imagine tying the cord linking me to him around it and then fling the bound rock into the current. I waited. I gave it time. But still, I ached. I knew if he tried to get back together with me, I would do it in a heartbeat.
One day when I was whining to my acupuncturist Nicole about him for the millionth time, her response was: “You need to go see Maggie the cord cutter.”
“The what?”
“You need to see Maggie. She’ll cut the cords that bind you to this man and you’ll be free. I did it with a guy I dated for years. It works.”
Nicole wrote down the info, treated me for a broken heart, and prayed to her gods that the cord cutting would make me shut up about this man. The recommendation was probably more for her than for me.
I made an appointment with Maggie for mid-morning a few weeks hence. Since it was a two hour drive I left right after I dropped my kids off at school. The kids had someone watching them after school because who knew how long a cord cutting would take. I know from experience you can’t rush the woo.
The drive was beautiful, literally over a mountain and through the woods. I sang my heart out to an amazing breakup playlist, hotboxing my car with the angst of a teenager.
“I will survive.” CAKE drolled on. “My love’s too big for you, my love.” Ingrid Michealson sweetly reminded me. “Weeeee are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together!” Taylor Swift gave me courage.
When I got to Bridge Between the Worlds, I was pleasantly surprised by the sweet retreat center in the woods. Tall trees surrounded the house like a quilt. I parked and Maggie came out to greet me with the broad smile of a grandmother welcoming one of her own. I rolled out of my car. Maggie’s quiet voice and light touch on my arm slowed me down and grounded my energy. She gave me a mini tour of the property and guided me to the back porch overlooking a small pond. As she went to make tea, I sat like a fat turtle on a rock soaking in the sun. I tried to breathe.
Watching the pond as we sipped tea, Maggie and I got to know each other and we clicked. Energy worker to energy worker, woman to woman, human to human. At some point, while we were talking I said, “I feel like a feminine uprising is brewing”. I remember being a little embarrassed at how dramatic that statement sounded, but as soon as I said it, she squealed, “Meeee tooo!” We clasped hands squealing while jumping up and down. It was both very weird and very powerful. Soon after, Maggie scooped up cups and we got to work.
Cord cutting is the detaching of energetic cords that tie you to a person or situation. Sometimes you can do it yourself, sometimes you need a little help. As I lay down on her treatment table Maggie explained that she would work with spirits to help me unbind myself from this man. We were gonna more than wash him out of my hair. We were going to sever him from my soul. I imagined it would be like when I quit smoking. I went into a hypnotist's office a smoker, walked out after our session, threw my cigarettes in her trash can, and didn’t crave one again. Ta Da!! Non-smoker.
I was passive for most of the ceremony, lying on Maggie’s table allowing her and her spirit crew to take care of things. I only remember bits and pieces of what happened. Maggie told me the whole story of how this man and I had done this dance again and again throughout our many lives. She shared details that only he and I could know. She burned healing herbs, she played a drum, I think, or maybe that was my heart beating. I cried at some point. We laughed some. I kept my eyes closed wanting her to fix it. Wanting her to cut the cords I somehow could not. When it was over I was exhausted, but somehow lighter. Maggie gave me more tea and then sent me on my way. I didn’t listen to break up songs on the way home. That man and I never got back together.
Over the last ten years, he and I have had some very serendipitous meetups. Just a few weeks ago I had been working on a story that involved him. I knew I’d see him somewhere with all the energy swirling around about him in my brain. And I did see him, although I avoided him because I was feeling very middle-aged Mrs. Doubtfire that day. I’m still connected to him but it’s different. Not in the tortured, passionate way we connected when we were lovers, but in the warm and fuzzy way you feel about someone you once loved. Every time I see him I thank God for my husband whom I hope to drag through eternity with me by our connected cords. He’s the bomb, y’all.
That’s how I’m feeling about US politics right now. It’s not me, it’s you, politics. I’m cutting the cord because I can’t handle this tortured back and forth, and because I know there is something bigger brewing out there. Maggie and I called it. The feminine is rising and I want to tie my energy cords to that movement. The ascension of it. I’m tired of my country breaking my heart. It’s time I turn my efforts towards something I want to bond with for richer, for poorer, in tyranny and health. And for me, that is always my sisters and the rise of women. This starts with women coming together for each other and cutting the cords that are holding us back from anything that moves us forward, onward, upward. I think we may need Maggie. Stay tuned, I’ve got more thoughts.
